Heinz Spaghetti

Heinz Spaghetti, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

Who in their right mind comes home from Xmas dinner and opens up a can of Heinz Spaghetti?!?!?!

That would be NOBODY. Because only a very insane person would do such a thing!!!

My excuse is temporary insanity and PTSD upon hearing that we didn't bring home any of my mom's stuffing to snack on, so then I ended up going to our Cupboards of Yuck.

This was the first time I've tasted Heinz Spaghetti, and, I thought I'd never say this:

I'd rather eat spaghettios.

Pretzel Time

Pretzel Time
Originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN

Me: OOOOH Let's get Easy Cheese!

Manda: We got that once a long time ago!

Me: WE DID?!??!! (can't remember)

Manda: YES!! And you LIKED IT!!!!!

Me: (excited)

P.S. Click on the video if you need it a bit bigger. It's kinda tiny here.

"Food that looks like other food" Sunday brunch pot luck!

On Sunday, Hairy and I had a bunch of peeps over for a holiday gift exchange and "food that looks like other food potluck."

I expanded on my meat cupcakes and made a full-on layered meatloaf cake with mashed potatoes! I decorated with little tomatoes and grated parmesan cheese.




Hairy made a pepperoni pizza, that was actually puff pastry, with raspeberry sauce and white icing, and he made the little pepperonis out of white chocolate and red food coloring.




I also wanted to make bacon and eggs sugar cookies, but we kinda ran out of time to make dough from scratch, so Hairy picked up some Pillsbury dough which sort of squished out during the baking process, but you get the idea and they were still tasty!




Esther and Oliver came with hamburger cookies!!! Check out the hand-cut christmas trees AND stars of david!





And Guapo made nachos!!!! He started by baking flour tortillas with cinamon and sugar, and then topping the chips with candied cherries, mini chocolate chips, grated fresh mango, and condensed milk. So crazy!





As for the outcome of the white elephant gift exchange.....I got some delicious retro-looking pepermint ribbon candy, and also PARTINI!!! We can be just like the cool kids in the commercial!



HELLO TINI!!!!!!

PECAN PIE!

PECAN PIE!
Originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN

This video is pretty much self-explanatory, but one of my typical munchy faux pas is that I don't like to cut off servings of food (like cheese). I just like to eat bites off the giant thing (like PIE!!!!) and hope that nobody notices or minds......

I freakin love pie crust. My favorite pie would be the kind that you'd throw in somebody's face i.e. 100% pure whipped cream on a crust!

Batter Blaster - Pancake Batter "spray"

Batter Blaster, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

While we were at WholeFoods, Hairy randomly picked up some of this pancake batter in a can. He ended up making waffles for dinner on Sunday night.

Here's the Batter Blaster in action!




As it turns out, the waffles end up being a little bit....chewy. But what this junk lacks in texture, it makes up for in style!

Pretty much any food you can squirt out of a nozzle is a winner, don'tcha think?

(moldy?) Chocolate Graham Crackers

moldy graham crackers?, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

Sometimes I try to find chocolatey alternatives to cookies and brownies, and chocolate graham crackers usually fit the bill.

Tonight I tried to snack on some, and then I looked and saw that they were all covered in a mysterious white speckled substance! My instant reaction was, "I JUST ATE MOLD!!!!!" This is especially bad because I have some post-Thanksgiving Day doodoos to contend with today.

Hairy took a look and thought it might be flour, since every single graham cracker was speckled. Even the pack that was not yet opened had speckles in it.

So, ultimately, I'm not sure if it is mold, or if graham crackers are even able to mold, but now these suckas are in the trash bin, and I ate Gerber Graduates biter biscuits instead. MMMM!

What I Brought to Work Today

I've been down at the office earlier than usual, and I clearly kind of panic over what to bring to eat.

Pictured:

Activia Yogurt: Seems kind of runny and thin.
Nature Valley Oats n Honey granola bar: One of my fav bar-shaped foods!
Fuji Apple: from our Spud.com order
Ferrero Rocher: Fine Hazelnut chocolates from Hairy! I told him during a commercial that I was into horrible holiday chocolates, e.g. ALMOND ROCA!!!!!!!!!!

But now it's freezing in the office and I seem to be craving hot, oily, bad pizza a la Domino's.



(also posted at twinkiechan.com/blog)

Pork Pate'

Pork Pate, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

It was one of those pate' days again. The kind of day you come home from work screaming for protein, and this is what you end up eating straight off the block, no crackers.

I'm pretty hardcore.

I have to say, that this super fancy-looking loaf from Whole Foods isn't that liverliscious. It's kind of like a weird pressed meat log.

Not so yummy, but, obvs my standards can be pretty low.

Yes, that is 90210 that I'm watching. The episode in which Donna almost gets raped by that weird bald dude.

The McGriddle

mcgriddle, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

Yes, it's official.

At long last, I lost my McGriddle Virginity. I broke the McGriddle Barrier. I was really afraid of the McGriddle for a long time. Pancakes...syrups.....and MEAT!?! It was too much for my brain to handle (I know I just mixed donuts with spinach in my last post....but still). My brother had long hailed the deliciousness of the McGriddle, but then it seemed like one of those nasty things that only boys like.

So when Manda called me, about to come over, asking if I wanted McDonald's for breakfast, I could not deny her. And I took this opportunity to be brave. To take THAT leap.

I was surprised that the pancakes that sandwiched the bacon (I got bacon, I think, instead of sausage...sausage sometimes gives me the doodoos) were so THICK. Small and thick. Biscuity pancakes. And they were definitely syrupy sweet, playing grease-tag with the salty bacony goodness. When you eat the McGriddle, you don't even know there are eggs present. This is about cake and meat, my friends.

Would I order it again? Meh. I don't know. It wasn't BAD.

But my all-time favorite fast food breakfast is still the Crescent Supreme Meal at Jack in the Box. NUM.

Donuts n Spinach

Donuts n SPinach, originally uploaded by TWiNKiE CHAN.

So while you are looking at this, please listen to this. I'd embed, but the embed code was removed!!

This is what I had for "brunch" today, in between a phone meeting and an in-person meeting.

We'd bought some little donuts last night, but I didn't eat any, so I was rarin' to go after waking up.

However, I did realize, that donuts are not very nutritious, so then I whipped out the CANNED SPINACH!!

I am very healthy, you see. I should write a book.

Pate' and Potato Chips

Ok, so I know you have all dealt with this common conundrum.

You're like, "Damn, my boyfriend just bought me some wicked pate'! And I wanna eat it right now!"

And then the bad news is, "Shoooot! I don't have any crackers to spread this luscious liver upon!"

So you dig around in your cupboards, and all you have is potato chips.

Done.



I know this post will help many of you out there solve your pate' problems.

(And yes, the chip looks red underneath because they are weird all-natural red potato chips from Trader Joe's.)

Porter Cheese (it's really brown!)

This photo was originally uploaded by podchef on Flickr.

Normally, I place a ban on cheese in my house, because we LOVE cheese here, and we don't want to be supercheesefatties. However, there are two exceptions to this: American singles to wrap the dogs' pills in, and gourmet cheese upon occasion.






This is an Irish porter cheese. It's super dark, chocolatey-looking cheddar that gets its brown marbling from a dark ale. I don't like beer, but I do like me some beer-cheese apparently.

About 49% of me thinks that it's weird for cheese to be this color, but then 51% of me ate it anyway. I'm hoping this means that I will only absorb 51% of the fat.

Mysterious Ice Cream Cracker/Cookie

Sorry the pic is backward....(blame PhotoBooth).

Anyhoodles, Hairy was out buying stuffs for pasta dinner tonight, and I got the snackattacks.

We bought this box of mystery cookie/crackers from the Japanese grocery store a little while ago, but I never bothered to try them, until now.

Call me insane, but I'd prefer to eat Emu Jerky than these sugar bombs! www.IDontWannEatCuteStuff.com! The cone is nice and crunchy, but the "ice cream" part is kind of soft and crumbly. I'll stick with real ice cream, thanks.




All the blowing motions are due to that stupid ice cream cookie/cracker throwing up all kinds of crumbs on my keyboard!

(P.S. I downloaded that song b/c Hairy has a lot of hate for it. I think it's funny!)

Emu Jerky

Some more bootie from my bro and Jaci's honeymoon in Australia.

EXOTIC JERKIES.

Tonight, Hairy and I sampled the Emu jerky. Let me tell you, there's nothing worse than jonesing for emu at 3 a.m. Or blogging about it at 5.am....

If you didn't tell me it was emu, I would have no idea I was eating something bizarre. I mostly noted the overwhelming taste of teriyaki. Not so exciting, until you look at the label and realize you are eating a cute little fluffy emu's dried flesh. Hairy kept dipping his hand back in the bag, so clearly, it can't be that yucky.

Here's the video of us chowing down for the first time. Note, that I say EMO instead of EMU!!!!!! (And I kept doing it after I turned off Photobooth.) Sorry, I'm foreign, and we don't have the sound "u" where I come from. Either that, or I have a secret past in which I listened to a lot of Juliana Theory and Jeremy Enigk. (Okay, not so secret anymore. Run away!!!!.......)

Long & Skinny Hot Dogs Right Outta the Fridge

Hot dogs are already cooked right?




Sometimes I really do gross out my own self. It's a really weinerrific video.

At least Bibi still loves me. And my salty, snappity meats.

This is the sad fallout of Chili Dog Tuesday: Cold Hot Dog Wednesday.

Did I just admit that I ate hot dogs two days in a row?

Pork Rinds (From Australia)

My bro and his ladywoman went to Australia for their honeymoon. They brought me back a bunch of strange snacks, which included two bags of pork rinds: one regular flavor, and one spicy bbq.

I am not really a pork rind girl, nor a spicy nor a bbq kinda gal, but, seriously, the regular flavor was very...porkrindy. I needed the delicious spicybbq powder to cover up the strange aroma of fried pork skinz. I can only describe it as a smell and not a taste. Your nose and mouth get filled with the musky scent of rendered hog parts.

This is not one of those things that I crave and love. I ate them because they were in the cupboard and I was starving.

At least they make nice crunchy sounds!

ENCHILOSA Ramen Cup: fatty, salty goodness

Try not to look so excited.

One time at Safeway ... I got really excited about taking home this box of instant noodles. Maybe it was the fat and sodium content that made me so giddy. I'm always up for something that's going to slowly kill me.

Sorry it's blurry. It's to hide the bad news.

I've had this in my cupboard for a while, and today was The Day.

I boiled water in the Holy Hot Hot, and peeled back the noodle cup lid.

I kind of freaked out at this point because I could SMELL the spicyness.

I know I should have taken the obvious chili graphics on the box as an indication. But at the time I thought that was just decorative, and not any indication of actual heat.

How did it taste?




Ok, I lied. Two or three bites later, and my mouth was blowing up. I will not be revisiting the Enchilosa, but this means that I can eat almond M&M's to make up for all that loss in fat intake. WIN!


The Spice must flow....................Just not from our O-rings.

SPAM n EGGS - A CLASSIC

So, I was deciding whether or not to go into the office on Friday, when I discovered that I couldn't log onto the work server. I called the office and they told me that Comcast was down until 2pm, so I didn't figure it was worth the trek just to be in an office with no internet.

What's a girl to do instead?


FRY UP SOME SPAMZ!!!!!!!

I ain't afraid of no Spam.

AND EGGS, BETCH!

bok bok

This was quite eventful for me because a) I don't really cook or use the stove very often b) I don't usually eat breakfast c) I never ever ever use the stove during breakfast time.

I guess that's a good thing, or else I'd weigh a kabillion pounds and have Spam jelly in my arteries.

Glutenous Rice Balls and Rando Pumpkin Dessert Soup

Hairy had been thinking about making this hot dessert soup made with pumpkin from his Thai cookbook. We had some plain, canned pumpkin left over from Bibi (it helps dogs get over the squirts!), so he mixed the canned pumpkin with coconut milk, condensed milk, and bananas, stirring over a hot stove.

I was a bit skeptical because I am not a huge fan of pumpkin...



...but it ended up tasting ok. It was really thick, and REALLY SWEET, and had the consistency of the contents of a baby's diaper.

He also wanted me to make what my brother and I called "crispy gooeys." They are balls of glutenous rice flour, fried up. The insides are hot and gooey and the outside is super crispy, kind of like a McDonald's french fry... except ... not. Usually I will make them and them dip them in sugar, because otherwise, they are pretty bland.



You just throw some glutenous rice flour in a bowl, like a cup and a half, and then add water and mix until you have a dough you can roll out into little balls.


(That's not my picture.) Then after rolling some rice ballz, warm up a pot of oil to about medium heat and drop your ballz in. Keep a plate next to you with paper towels or napkins on it to soak up the oil when you take your fried oily ballz out of the heat.

Anyway, in the pot, they will start to sizzle and bubble a little bit, and sometimes they even SING and WHISTLE. Be careful, they also swell and pop open like popcorn, but this is good, because it exposes more of the insides to the hot oil so that it can cook more.


Usually this popping is not an issue, but tonight, it was...EXPLOSIVE. It resulted in lots of screaming, burning, making of messes, and early shut downs of pots of boiling oil. I was wounded on the chesticle and Hairy got hit on the finger. I think my shirt is ruined. We'll see.

Careful with oil, kids! I have no idea what went wrong this time, but it was a full out fried ball debacle. Maybe I had the heat on too high. Forensics will bring up further data... Hairy has to take his point-n-shoot into the shop tomorrow because he can't get the vegetable oil off the camera lens. And while I am sure the vaseline-haze on the camera would make for more flattering, flawless portraiture, perhaps I am not quite at my Erica Kane phase yet. (Does anyone ever know what I'm going on about?? I think I'm showing my age with my previous statement about showing my age.) ((I'm SO COMPLEX!!! JEEZ!!!)

But anyway, in conclusion, tonight we dipped our hot balls into some sweet ass pudding, broski, and it was TOIGHT.

(Below is the recorded video evidence of my retardation. This is why I am not allowed in the kitchen. I destroy precious electronic equipment, favorite articles of clothing, and I put innocent lives at risk. I'm sorry it's kind of long - two whole minutes and THEN some - but these are the events as they happened. If you can't hear what I say at the very end, it's something like "I'm DONE!!!!!")

1st post using Blogger/Blogspot: MINI MEAT CUPCAKES!!!

I am going to miss Uber.com! Wah! I was very sad to have to move my site somewhere else. It will never be the same! Ah well. Now I am at blogger/blogspot. So that I don't feel overwhelmed by moving all the old stuff here at once, I will probably make a habit of loading one new entry and one old entry so I don't go insane.

I think this first entry at blogger.com is a doozy! Fancy photos, crappy photobooth photo, and horrid experimental film! NOICE!!!




For Guapo's birthday, Hairy & I decided to bake mini meat cupcakes, i.e. little morsels that LOOK like cupcakes, but are actually little meatballs frosted with mashed potatoes. I think they turned out really cute!!





We used Tony Danza's (haha!) recipe for meatballs, and I also added an extra clove of garlic and extra parmesan cheese. Hairy took over for a little bit and added some other shizz like oregano and garlic powder or whatnot.

We used instant mashed potatoes that actually turned out super yummy and buttery! And added a little bit of red food coloring for the pink color. I cut off the pointy bottoms of some grape tomatoes to use for cherries, and sprinkled the cupcakes off with chopped chives.


Super cute, and super yummy! Maybe slightly yucky for those expecting to eat something sweet, or those who hate meatballs...but I would totes make these again and maybe next time not tell anyone they are MEATALICIOUS.

(On a side note, Hairy took a video clip while I was frosting the meatballs. Mostly I thought it would be funny to see how my dress matched the mashed potato pink, but the video came out pretty dark. Here's a Photobooth pic instead:

Then I started messing with it, and the video of me piping potatoes onto some meatballs turned into this "creepy" video. Enjoy! If you can make it to the end, I think it does actually look a bit creepy...)

Testing this thing you call Blogger.

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